Category Archives: On My Mind

All I Want in a Guy 

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As an Aries, I can be a very passionate person.

I’m 20, going on 21 this April, and I’ve never been in love. For me to even actually like a guy is rare. But when I do, my feelings run deep and are intense. Even though I’m not always vocal about it.

This past year I’ve been working hard to venture more out of my shell. Day by day, I do see myself evolving. The guard I used to have up so high is gradually coming down. I’ve been finding myself taking more chances when it comes to new experiences, as well as new people.

It was a year I even allowed myself to fall for someone new. Things were nice, and pretty refreshing after what I’d experienced with the previous guy, but unfortunately didn’t last. We never got to the point where it became anything really exclusive. But I was, however, lead to believe that there was potential we could’ve been. In the end my feelings were hurt because this was someone I thought so highly of. Someone I genuinely cared about and did my best to show him just that. Someone I let in willingly. I took this one hard because I really wasn’t expecting him to just leave things the way he did. We didn’t end on very good terms, but I still do wish him the best.

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Truth to be told, I do consider myself to be a hopeless romantic. I’m a sucker for those stories where the guy is so head over heels for a girl, and goes to great lengths just to get her or to keep her. Every girl wants to feel special, to really mean something to that meaningful somebody. We all do, for that matter. I think we all also would like to have someone who will refuse to give up on us. No matter how complicated it can get. To find love like that in reality, it’s hard. But I know it’s not impossible. I know that out here there are some amazing guys. And as I continue to get older and grow up, I’ve been finding myself more and more craving to find that person for me.

I want someone who actually has an interest in getting to know me, building with me, growing with me. Someone who I can always hang around, go on cute little dates with and we just enjoy each other, learn one another from our strengths to our defects. Through both the good and bad, we’ll stick together because at the end of the day there’s no one else either of us would rather be with. And in time, our bond will only get better. Closer. Stronger.

I want someone who is going to love me so much that they’ll be willing to go through whatever for me. They’ll want to fight for me. They won’t let me just slip away.

The upside of going through these guys is that I’m learning more about myself. What I’d appreciate in a relationship and what I wouldn’t. I always knew I definitely have a type, but I guess it wasn’t until recently I began figuring out exactly what type that is. Now, I do know. My type is an authentic, truly caring, confident but also humble, sweet, mature gentleman. He’ll have no problem being honest with me, even in cases when that’s not what I want. But he’ll also have a kind heart. Care about what’s on my mind and consider my feelings, not invalidate them. He’ll be loving. Hold me close in his arms and kiss me on even my worst, moodiest of days. He’ll come actually communicate with me when we run into disagreements or issues.

This Heart of Mine

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This heart of mine.

Inside of it there is so much care, love, and passion. It’s strong, and I know it can get through anything, but it also has this sense of sensitivity.

Every morning, when I wake up and open my eyes to a new day, I put on a happy face and smile because I have so much to feel blessed and grateful for. I like to maintain a positive outlook. But all the time I put up a front and try to come across as such a tough person who’s unfazed by certain things. When really, deep down, sometimes I’m a little bit of an emotional mess.

Never Even Mine

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How can one experience so much sorrow in a situation like this? It makes no sense. Here I am, feeling like I’ve actually lost something. When in actuality, you were never even mine.

Part of me already knew that you and I couldn’t and wouldn’t be, especially after what’s happened. But then there was the other half of me that wanted to hold on. My mind tried to just let it go, while at the same time, my heart conflicted with a little hope for the future.

As difficult as it is for me right now to see you drifting and taking your interest elsewhere, I will not intervene. I will let you walk. I know that part of really caring about someone is letting them go to find happiness, and letting them really enjoy that happiness, even if it’s not with you.

I wish I could at least say that was us at one point, but you were never even mine.